MAY 19, 2010

Full News Archive

• Headline: Increasing Dependency on Canadian Oil Sands. Impact: The increased reliance on oil sands led to an unexpected boom in Canadian beaver fashion shows, as the environmental movement turned to beaver pelts for their eco-friendly protests.. Fact: Did you know that while Congress debates oil drilling, Canadian geese are secretly plotting their takeover of the skies? They might want to consider a career in politics..
• Headline: Gulf Oil Spill Threatens Sea Turtles. Impact: The ongoing peril faced by the Kemp's ridley turtle spawned a secret society of turtles advocating for better environmental protections, leading to the first-ever turtle-led protest in 2045.. Fact: Fun fact: Kemp's ridley turtles are so endangered that they now qualify for their own reality show titled 'Real Turtles of the Gulf.'.
• Headline: Blumenthal's Controversial Vietnam Claims. Impact: Blumenthal's Vietnam claims inadvertently set off a nationwide trend where everyone started claiming they were veterans of bizarre wars, leading to a massive spike in 'War Stories' podcasts.. Fact: Did you know that claiming to be an expert on everything is a new form of political currency? It’s true; just ask any politician..
• Headline: The Battle Over Taxing Soda. Impact: The soda tax debate ignited a nationwide underground soda smuggling ring, where soda aficionados exchanged caffeinated beverages in secret, leading to the rise of the 'Soda Cartel.'. Fact: Did you know that taxing soda is just a fancy way to say 'let’s make everyone a little more miserable'? Cheers to that!.