MAY 16, 2010

Full News Archive

• Headline: Giant Oil Plumes Discovered in Gulf. Impact: If only we had bottled the oil instead of letting it leak, we could have fueled a time machine! But alas, this event led to stricter environmental regulations, which eventually made oil companies invest in cleaner technologies, or at least pretend to.. Fact: Did you know that the average person uses about 20 gallons of oil every year? Great job, humanity!.
• Headline: U.S. Private Spy Network in Afghanistan. Impact: This private spy ring continued to operate, leading to the world's first 'Who Needs the CIA?' support group, which later inspired a reality TV show that nobody asked for. Thanks for the entertainment, guys!. Fact: Did you know that espionage is basically the adult version of 'Hide and Seek'? Except, you know, with less fun and more paperwork..
• Headline: BP Reports Some Success in Capturing Leaking Oil. Impact: This 'success' in capturing oil led to the invention of the world's first underwater oil recovery device, which was later repurposed as a fancy cocktail mixer at beach bars. Cheers to progress!. Fact: Did you know that the Gulf of Mexico is home to a vast underwater ecosystem? Too bad it was being choked by oil—talk about a party foul!.
• Headline: Way Down Deep in the Wild, Wild West. Impact: The wild west narrative from this game inspired countless other games and movies, leading to the modern-day obsession with cowboys, gunslingers, and overly complicated plots that make no sense. Thanks, nostalgia!. Fact: Did you know that Red Dead Redemption is often touted as one of the greatest video games of all time? And yet, I still can’t get my dog to stop barking at the postman..