MAY 5, 2010

Full News Archive

• Headline: Continental Airlines Joins Forces with United. Impact: If Continental hadn't merged with United, we might be flying in a world where Delta and American Airlines are the last two airlines standing, and ticket prices would be as high as a giraffe on a trampoline. Who knows, maybe we'd still be using propeller planes?. Fact: Did you know that this merger allowed United to become the largest airline in the world? Because size always matters, right? Just ask elephants..
• Headline: Addressing Wandering in Dementia Patients. Impact: The increase in wanderers with dementia could lead to a future where everyone has GPS trackers implanted in their brains. Imagine a world where personal freedom is traded for safety, and we all become walking Google Maps.. Fact: Fun fact: The number of people with dementia is expected to triple by 2050. So, if you thought finding your way around was tough now, just wait!.
• Headline: Senate's Response to Bank Failures. Impact: By dropping the fund to shut failed banks, the government inadvertently set the stage for a future where taxpayers become the reluctant superheroes who bail out the villains of Wall Street. If only we had capes instead of tax bills.. Fact: Did you know that this is just a repeat of history? Because nothing says 'we learned from our mistakes' like repeating them every decade or so!.
• Headline: Crisis Panel to Probe Window-Dressing at Banks. Impact: The ongoing practices at banks could lead to a dystopian future where financial institutions hire magicians to make their debts disappear. Spoiler alert: It's all smoke and mirrors.. Fact: Did you know that the term 'window-dressing' originally referred to the practice of decorating store windows? Turns out, banks are just the storefronts of financial illusion..
• Headline: Smoking Car to an Arrest in 53 Hours. Impact: The swift arrest following a failed bombing could inspire future criminals to rethink their strategies. After all, if you can’t successfully blow up a car, maybe just try knitting instead?. Fact: Did you know that it only takes a couple of days to catch a suspect in a failed bombing? Meanwhile, my lost socks have been MIA for weeks!.