APRIL 11, 2010

Full News Archive

• Headline: Phil Mickelson Wins Third Masters Championship. Impact: Mickelson's third Masters title inspired a whole generation of golfers to adopt an all-or-nothing approach, leading to a dramatic increase in golf-related injuries, especially among weekend warriors who thought they could drive like Phil. Now, golf carts are equipped with seat belts and helmets.. Fact: Did you know that Phil Mickelson's swing has been known to cause minor earthquakes? At least, that's what his opponents say when they see him tee off..
• Headline: Revitalizing Governors Island for Public Enjoyment. Impact: The redevelopment of Governors Island led to a massive increase in hipster population density, resulting in a sudden surge in demand for artisanal pickles and craft coffee. It's now the unofficial capital of overpriced brunch.. Fact: Did you know that Governors Island was once a military base? Now it's just a place for New Yorkers to pretend they're on vacation while still being able to complain about the subway..
• Headline: The Queen of Talk Declined to Speak. Impact: Oprah's refusal to speak led to a massive conspiracy theory that she had been abducted by aliens who needed advice on how to improve their intergalactic talk shows. Ratings have never been higher among extraterrestrial audiences.. Fact: Did you know that if Oprah were a planet, she'd be the one that everyone wants to visit, but no one can quite afford the ticket?.