MARCH 30, 2010

Full News Archive

• Headline: Companies Challenge Health Law Provision. Impact: If the health law provision had been repealed, we might have seen a world where corporate profits soared, leading to a mass exodus of CEOs into space tourism, leaving us with only robots to run the companies. Thanks, capitalism!. Fact: Did you know that health care is one of the few things more complicated than explaining why your cat hates the vet?.
• Headline: Home Buying Surge Before Tax Credit Expires. Impact: This home buying spurt might have led to a nationwide trend of people believing they could 'flip' homes as easily as pancakes, resulting in a reality TV show starring confused millennials and a lot of paint.. Fact: Did you know 'home buying' is just a fancy way of saying 'I’m about to be broke for the next 30 years'?.
• Headline: States Struggle with Rising Debt Crisis. Impact: As states tried to camouflage their debt issues, it inadvertently led to the rise of the 'creative accounting' industry, where accountants moonlight as magicians, making money disappear.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more inflated than state debt is the egos of the politicians trying to fix it?.
• Headline: Afghan Leader Is Seen to Flout Influence of U.S.. Impact: If Afghan leaders had truly embraced U.S. influence, we might have seen a bizarre reality where U.S. fast food chains took over Kabul, and American-style democracy was served with a side of fries.. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'flout influence' could easily be a band name for a group of rebellious high schoolers?.
• Headline: The Issue of Liquidity Bubbles Up. Impact: The liquidity issue led to banks over-correcting, potentially causing a future where they hoarded cash like it was the last slice of pizza at a party, resulting in a black market for banknotes.. Fact: Did you know banks keep so much cash on hand that they could probably fund a small country’s annual budget in pennies alone?.