FEBRUARY 26, 2010

Full News Archive

• Headline: Paterson's Aide Resigns Over Race Issues. Impact: The resignation of the top aide set off a chain reaction of distrust in the governor’s office, leading to the formation of a secret society of disgruntled aides who now meet in a basement to discuss the finer points of career sabotage.. Fact: Did you know that political aides have the best gossip? It's like a soap opera, but with more paperwork and fewer dramatic music cues..
• Headline: Florida Cancer Center Billing Investigation. Impact: The investigation into billing practices caused a ripple effect that led to the invention of the world's first cancer center audit dance, where officials boogied their way through financial discrepancies to the delight of absolutely no one.. Fact: Fun fact: In the world of healthcare, 'oversight' often means 'we're watching, but only if we feel like it.'.
• Headline: Teamsters and Activists Unite for Clean Air. Impact: The collaboration between the Teamsters and environmental activists sparked a nationwide trend of unionized trees demanding better working conditions for their lumber counterparts. Who knew trees could unionize?. Fact: Did you know that trucks with low emissions are like unicorns? They exist, but you rarely see them because most are too busy spewing fumes..
• Headline: Traction for Banking Regulation. Impact: The agreement on banking regulation led to a bizarre time loop where bankers kept saying they’d reform themselves, but each time they tried, they just ended up in a conference room debating the merits of croissants versus bagels.. Fact: Did you know that every time a banker agrees to regulation, a lobbyist gets their wings? Just kidding, they get a raise..
• Headline: Plan to Seek Use of U.S. Contracts as a Wage Lever. Impact: Using U.S. contracts as a wage lever inadvertently triggered a nationwide shortage of levers, as private companies scrambled to find new ways to leverage their employees without actually paying them more.. Fact: Did you know? The White House's idea of 'leveraging' usually involves more backroom deals than actual levers—like a magician pulling rabbits out of hats, but with less magic and more paperwork..