FEBRUARY 24, 2010

Full News Archive

• Headline: States Expand Gun Rights Amid Obama Silence. Impact: The push for looser gun laws led to a future where every state has its own unique arsenal of laws, causing a national 'pick your own adventure' scenario. You could end up in Texas with six-shooters or California with a rubber band gun—your choice!. Fact: Did you know that if you throw a gun into the air, it will fall back down? Science!.
• Headline: Açaí's Rise from Amazon to Global Fame. Impact: The rise of açaí transformed breakfast bowls worldwide, leading to an explosion in Instagram influencers who now can't start their day without a purple smoothie, thus indirectly boosting sales of yoga mats and overpriced activewear.. Fact: Açaí is pronounced 'ah-sigh-ee' but don't worry, your local smoothie shop will always get it wrong..
• Headline: Challenges in Firing Ineffective Educators. Impact: The slow progress in firing bad teachers gave rise to a generation of students who went on to become 'YouTube stars,' proving that a lack of classroom competence can lead to a thriving career in questionable content creation.. Fact: In New York City, 'tenured teacher' is just a fancy way of saying 'professional napper.'.
• Headline: Better Bread With Less Kneading. Impact: The quest for better bread without all that kneading resulted in a culinary revolution that eventually led to the creation of gluten-free bread. Now, everyone can enjoy the taste of regret in every bite!. Fact: Baking bread is one of the oldest professions. So, if bread-making goes wrong, just remember: someone in ancient Mesopotamia probably did it worse!.
• Headline: H.P., Tech Powerhouse, Stumbles in Smartphones. Impact: H.P.'s smartphone stumble paved the way for other tech giants to realize that maybe, just maybe, they should stick to printers and computers. Thanks to them, we now have fewer confusing gadgets to trip over.. Fact: H.P. printers are like the Bermuda Triangle of technology; they suck in paper and ink and spit out regret..