FEBRUARY 21, 2010

Full News Archive

• Headline: Canada's Olympic Hopes Dwindle Mid-Games. Impact: If Canada had actually owned the podium, perhaps they would have taken on the world in a hockey match for global dominance, leading to an international treaty called 'The Great Maple Syrup Accord.'. Fact: Canada's idea of 'owning the podium' is probably just a polite way of saying they were planning a really enthusiastic apology for losing..
• Headline: Ohno Claims His Seventh Winter Medal. Impact: Ohno's reign as the U.S. King of Winter led to a mysterious spike in hot chocolate consumption across America, as citizens celebrated his victories with copious amounts of chocolatey warmth.. Fact: Apolo Ohno has so many medals that he could probably open a jewelry store specializing in 'Winter Bling.'.
• Headline: Miller Wins Gold in the Super Combined. Impact: Bode Miller winning gold inspired a whole generation of athletes to believe that they, too, could achieve their dreams—unless, of course, they were competing against him.. Fact: Bode's gold medal was the cherry on top of his career sundae, which was already overflowing with impressive stats and a sprinkle of chaos..
• Headline: Blending Tea and Hearts. Impact: Helen Simonson’s novel blending tea and hearts led to a global obsession with tea parties, where discussions about feelings became just as important as the actual tea. World leaders started negotiating treaties over Earl Grey.. Fact: If you think tea and hearts don't mix, you clearly haven't been to a British gathering where emotions run as high as the tea is steeped..