JANUARY 16, 2010

Full News Archive

• Headline: The Decline of Law Graduate Opportunities. Impact: The decline of law grads' salaries led to a mass exodus from law schools. Consequently, the legal profession has transformed into a haven for those who enjoy arguing over trivial matters, resulting in the rise of 'expert' internet trolls. Who knew a financial crisis could spawn a generation of keyboard warriors?. Fact: Did you know that some law schools are now offering degrees in 'Trolling Science'? Just kidding, but they might as well!.
• Headline: Celebrating a Decade of Cocktails. Impact: As the author raised his glass, a secret society of cocktail enthusiasts was formed, influencing the future of mixology. Their intricate drink recipes eventually led to the proliferation of hipster bars, where drinks cost more than your average meal. Cheers to that!. Fact: Fun fact: The word 'mixologist' was invented to justify charging $15 for a drink that used to cost $5. What a time to be alive!.
• Headline: Elizabeth Edwards: From Saint to Bully. Impact: Elizabeth Edwards being recast as a bully shifted public perception of political spouses, sparking a trend of 'spousal rebranding.' Now, every political figure's partner has a PR team working overtime to spin their personal lives into wholesome narratives. Because who doesn’t love a good makeover?. Fact: Did you know that the term 'political spouse' is now a recognized profession? It's true—just don’t expect benefits!.
• Headline: F.D.A. Concerned About Substance in Food Packaging. Impact: The FDA's concern over BPA led to a global crusade against plastics, triggering a massive boom in the organic, reusable straw industry. As a result, a generation of millennials is now convinced that sipping from a metal straw will save the planet. Keep dreaming!. Fact: Did you know that the average American consumes about 5 grams of plastic each week? That’s like eating a credit card—bon appétit!.
• Headline: Poetry for Times of Calamity and War. Impact: John Adams's poignant poetry during turbulent times inspired future generations of artists and activists. This led to a surge of spoken word performances in coffee shops, where the only thing more inflated than egos are the prices of artisanal coffees. Art really does imitate life!. Fact: Did you know that poetry slams now often include a 'no rhyming' rule? Because who needs structure when you're trying to sound deep?.