JANUARY 2, 2010

Full News Archive

• Headline: London Museum Acquires Rare Chagall Artwork. Impact: The discovery of this Chagall piece sends ripples through the art world, leading to an unexpected rise in art thefts as people realize that even museums can overlook valuable items. Who knew stealing art could be so lucrative? Just ask the guys who 'borrow' it for their living rooms.. Fact: Chagall once claimed that he painted with the soul of the world. So, if this gouache is any indication, I guess the world is feeling a bit blue and a lot surreal..
• Headline: Time Warner and Fox Cable Deal Explained. Impact: This deal prevents a blackout that could have forced viewers to look outside their screens for entertainment. As a result, casual conversations about the weather and what’s for dinner make a comeback. The horror!. Fact: Time Warner and Fox teaming up is like watching two supervillains join forces. You know bad things are about to happen, but at least you won’t miss your college football. Priorities, right?.
• Headline: A Pop Star in Her Own Time Zone. Impact: Mariah Carey's continued reign over the music charts creates a ripple effect where all aspiring pop stars begin to adopt her vocal acrobatics, leading to a decade of overly complicated vocal runs. The world collectively sighs.. Fact: Mariah Carey’s vocal range is so extensive that if she ever sings the national anthem, it might cause sonic waves strong enough to be felt in neighboring countries. No pressure, Mariah!.