DECEMBER 20, 2009

Full News Archive

• Headline: Improv Fun on the Subway. Impact: This bizarre subway occurrence led to an underground movement where improv groups became the new philosophers of public transport. Who knew that half-dressed antics could spark a renaissance in urban expression? Now, every time someone rides the subway in a costume, they’re actually channeling their inner Socrates.. Fact: Did you know that subway cars are actually the preferred stage for many aspiring actors? Just don't ask for a ticket refund when they inevitably bomb their performance..
• Headline: Obama's Climate and Health Care Compromises. Impact: Obama's compromising on climate and health care not only paved the way for future politicians to embrace mediocrity, but it also inspired a generation to settle for less. This led to a global trend of half-measures, which is why we now have 'diet' chocolate cake.. Fact: Did you know that 'partial wins' is just a fancy term for 'we'll get to that later'? Sort of like how you promise to clean your room but just shove everything under the bed instead..
• Headline: ‘Avatar’ Tops Box Office Without Records. Impact: The mild disappointment of 'Avatar' at the box office caused James Cameron to go on a quest for validation, leading him to invent the 'Box Office Therapist' industry. Now, every director has someone to talk to about their feelings when their film doesn't break records.. Fact: Did you know that 'Avatar' was so hyped up that people thought it could cure their existential crises? Spoiler alert: it didn’t..
• Headline: Met’s Kids Sing on Without Mother Hen. Impact: Elena Doria's departure from the Metropolitan Opera chorus was the spark that initiated a long-standing conspiracy theory that she was actually an undercover music critic. This revelation led to a surge in amateur sleuths trying to uncover the 'real' stories behind opera's mystery figures.. Fact: Did you know that the Metropolitan Opera has a 'where are they now' section dedicated to mystery absentees? It's like a reality show without the cameras—so basically, just like opera itself..