DECEMBER 18, 2009

Full News Archive

• Headline: Ernst Settles S.E.C. Case for $8.5 Million. Impact: This $8.5 million payment set off a whirlwind of accountants taking up interpretive dance to express their feelings about ethical practices. In 2025, it led to a global trend of 'Dance Your Audit' competitions.. Fact: Fun fact: Every time an accountant dances, a tax loophole closes. Just kidding, but wouldn't that be nice?.
• Headline: High School Arts Auditions in NYC. Impact: The nail-biting auditions led to a new trend of 'extreme auditioning' where hopefuls compete for roles by surviving obstacle courses. By 2025, auditioning became a sport with ESPN coverage.. Fact: Did you know that the current record for the longest audition is held by a kid who read the entire script of 'Hamlet' while balancing on a unicycle? Talk about commitment!.
• Headline: Muslims Say F.B.I. Tactics Sow Anger and Fear. Impact: The deteriorating relationship with the F.B.I. resulted in a secret society of Muslims forming an anti-relationship counseling group for government agencies. By 2025, they were giving TED Talks on how to communicate effectively with bureaucracies.. Fact: Did you know that the F.B.I. stands for 'Forever Bugging Individuals'? Okay, maybe not officially, but it feels that way sometimes..
• Headline: A Race to Win One More Vote for Health Bill. Impact: This desperate race for votes inadvertently led to a nationwide shortage of compromise, resulting in a new law that mandates all politicians must attend 'Diplomacy 101' before taking office. By 2030, Congress was a place of zen meditation.. Fact: Remember, in politics, a vote is like a pizza slice — everyone wants a piece, but nobody wants to share the toppings. Especially the good ones!.