DECEMBER 8, 2009

Full News Archive

• Headline: Dirty Water Crisis in America Revealed. Impact: If only the U.S. had figured out how to filter water properly, perhaps we wouldn’t be seeing people fighting over bottled water in the apocalypse. But hey, at least the bottled water industry is thriving! Thanks, dirty water!. Fact: Did you know that in some dystopian futures, people will pay top dollar for water that isn't filled with mystery contaminants? Cheers to progress!.
• Headline: BofA's Compromise: Bailout and Executive Pay. Impact: The Bank of America bailout refund was like an overzealous parent giving their child the car keys after a fender bender. Spoiler alert: the child didn’t learn how to drive any better, but they did get a shiny new sports car!. Fact: Fun fact: 'Bailout' is just Wall Street’s fancy term for 'We need to pay ourselves first, then maybe help others.'.
• Headline: Debt Raters Escape Major Reforms Post-Crisis. Impact: The decision to avoid a serious overhaul of credit rating agencies is like refusing to fix a leaky roof, then being surprised when it rains. Spoiler: the flood of bad ratings still drowns the economy.. Fact: Did you know that in the world of finance, 'overhaul' is code for 'let’s just pretend everything is fine and throw a party instead?'.
• Headline: Pakistan Told to Ratchet Up Taliban Fight. Impact: By telling Pakistan to ramp up its fight against the Taliban, the U.S. essentially set off a chain reaction that led to decades of complex geopolitics, endless debates, and a lot of head-scratching over who really thought this was a good idea.. Fact: Did you know that when you poke a bear, it doesn’t always go as planned? Just ask the U.S. and Pakistan about their ‘friendly’ pokes!.
• Headline: Civil Suit Says Lender Ignored Own Warnings. Impact: New Century’s executives ignoring their own warnings is the financial equivalent of ignoring the smoke alarm. Spoiler alert: the fire is much worse when you let it burn.. Fact: Fun fact: Ignoring red flags in business is a great way to ensure you have a dramatic downfall. Just ask any reality TV star!.