NOVEMBER 11, 2009

Full News Archive

• Headline: Rise of Video Ads in Online Marketing. Impact: The rise of video ads led to the eventual creation of cat videos, which subsequently distracted millions from doing anything productive, including understanding their own feelings.. Fact: Did you know that the average person spends 2 hours a day watching videos online? Imagine if they actually used that time to read books! Just kidding, who reads anymore?.
• Headline: Improved Black Friday Safety Measures. Impact: The trampling incident led to a nationwide obsession with shopping on Black Friday, which ironically made people trample over their dignity and sanity just to save a few bucks.. Fact: In 2008, the term 'doorbuster' took on a new meaning when it became synonymous with 'trample your fellow humans for a flat-screen TV.'.
• Headline: Justice Kennedy and School Journalism. Impact: Justice Kennedy's insistence on pre-approval set a precedent that led to countless awkward school newspaper articles about prom that were vetted by parents and resulted in the utter death of teenage creativity.. Fact: Did you know that many high school journalists think they're the next Woodward and Bernstein? Spoiler alert: they're not..
• Headline: Under Attack, Fed Chief Studies Politics. Impact: Bernanke's political maneuvering paved the way for future Fed chairs to become more like political puppets, distracting from the fact that they control the economy with the finesse of a toddler with a credit card.. Fact: Ben Bernanke once said he was studying economics to avoid studying politics. Irony at its finest, folks!.
• Headline: Falling Far Short of Reform. Impact: The failure of health care reform in this era laid the groundwork for endless debates, political infighting, and, of course, the rise of GoFundMe as the new health insurance plan.. Fact: In the U.S., we spend more on health care than any other developed country, yet we still can't figure out how to fix it. Maybe if we just tried harder at ignoring the problem?.