NOVEMBER 10, 2009

Full News Archive

• Headline: Barclays Acquires Lehman Brothers' Assets. Impact: If Barclays hadn't swooped in on Lehman Brothers, we might have witnessed the birth of a new financial superhero, 'The Lehman Avenger', fighting to restore lost investments. Instead, we got a banking giant with a slightly larger ego and a knack for bargains.. Fact: Lehman Brothers' collapse was so significant that it made 'going bankrupt' seem like a trendy new diet plan for banks..
• Headline: Madoff Trustee Demands Refund from Picowers. Impact: The Madoff scandal unleashed a wave of mistrust in financial systems, leading to countless conspiracy theories about what other secrets are hiding in the vaults of Wall Street. Spoiler alert: they’re mostly just empty promises.. Fact: Jeffry Picower's withdrawals alone could have funded a small country's annual budget. Guess he really believed in 'cash flow'..
• Headline: Díaz's Controversial Stance Against Gay Marriage. Impact: Senator Díaz's vehement opposition to gay marriage might have inadvertently sparked a nationwide trend in rainbow-themed merchandise. Who knew bigotry would lead to fabulous fashion?. Fact: State Senator Rubén Díaz Sr. has been known for making political standpoints that are as popular as a root canal. Good times!.
• Headline: A Squeeze on Customers Ahead of New Rules. Impact: The rise in interest rates may have prompted a new trend in financial literacy—people actually reading the fine print instead of just signing on the dotted line like it's a marriage proposal.. Fact: Financial firms raising rates is like a cat playing with a mouse: the mouse is always wondering when the fun will turn deadly..
• Headline: At Army Base, Some Violence Is Too Familiar. Impact: The ongoing violence at Army bases has unfortunately set the stage for a future where mental health support becomes a hot topic. Because nothing says 'we care' quite like recognizing a problem after it’s been festering for years.. Fact: The 'familiar violence' at army bases is like that awkward family member who shows up to every holiday gathering, uninvited and unwelcomed..