NOVEMBER 2, 2009

Full News Archive

• Headline: Abdullah's Withdrawal and Karzai's Victory. Impact: Abdullah's decision not to run inadvertently created a political vacuum that led to a surge in reality TV shows in Afghanistan, with viewers mistaking political strategy for dramatic plot twists. Spoiler alert: no one wins.. Fact: Fun fact: The term 'runoff' is often confused with marathon running. In this case, Abdullah opted for a leisurely stroll instead..
• Headline: The Decline of Business Press Coverage. Impact: The deflated business press led to a rise in underground business reporting, where journalists resorted to sending secret carrier pigeons with scoop-worthy news. Little did they know, pigeons are terrible at keeping secrets.. Fact: Did you know that 'business as usual' is just a euphemism for 'we’re still pretending to work while Googling cat videos'? Because that’s what it felt like here..
• Headline: Trust in Small Banks Amid Crisis. Impact: The rise of small banks triggered a nationwide trend of people holding 'trust banks' in their living rooms. Spoiler: none of them were FDIC insured and most of them just held old family recipes.. Fact: Did you know that small banks are like the underdogs of the financial world? They don't have the budget for flashy ads, but they do have plenty of free pens!.
• Headline: Immigrant Jail Tests U.S. View of Legal Access. Impact: The barriers to legal representation for immigrants sparked a new underground movement called 'Lawyers Without Borders… or Boundaries' which became wildly popular in hipster coffee shops. Legal advice served with a side of avocado toast.. Fact: Did you know that the Varick facility was so well-regarded that they considered naming a new coffee blend after it? They settled on 'Barista's Dilemma' instead..