OCTOBER 24, 2009

Full News Archive

• Headline: Yankees Park Deal and Community Benefits. Impact: If the Yankees hadn't claimed that park, the children might have been forced to engage in outdoor activities like playing in the street, resulting in an unforeseen rise in creativity and self-reliance. Instead, they became lifelong Yankees fans, forever trapped in an endless cycle of overpriced jerseys and hot dogs.. Fact: Did you know that kids today still prefer bus rides over walking, despite the fact that they’re just being shuttled to a field of dreams? Maybe one day they'll learn to walk to the park themselves..
• Headline: Kanye West's Film Leak Uncovers Issues. Impact: The leak of Spike Jonze's film may have inadvertently set off a chain reaction leading to the creation of countless unfinished films and a robust meme culture. Thanks, Kanye, for making 'We're Sorry' a popular genre.. Fact: Did you know that in the future, this leak would spark a series of 'leak-proof' film releases? Spoiler alert: they’re all just trailers..
• Headline: Witness Reveals Secrets in Galleon Case. Impact: The revelation of Roomy Khan’s secret-passing history likely led to every tech company tightening their internal security. Thus, the rise of overly complicated passwords began, so thank you, Roomy, for making us memorize 'Qw3Rty!234'.. Fact: Did you know that most 'confidential' information is just a few clicks away today? If only Roomy had known that sharing could lead to a career in influencer marketing..
• Headline: New Light, Literal and Figurative, on Nazi Crimes. Impact: The new research center's focus on Nazi crimes serves as a stark reminder that history has a funny way of resurfacing, influencing everything from contemporary politics to the resurgence of people who think it's okay to deny the Holocaust ever happened.. Fact: Did you know that every time someone tries to erase history, a historian gets their wings? Just kidding, they get a headache and an urge to write more books..