OCTOBER 15, 2009

Full News Archive

• Headline: Times Co. Retains Boston Globe Ownership. Impact: By deciding to keep The Boston Globe, the Times Co. inadvertently sparked a chain reaction that led to an influx of hipster coffee shops in Boston, where every barista now claims to be an expert in 'local journalism'—whatever that means.. Fact: The Boston Globe is so beloved that residents often treat it like a family member—arguing with it at dinner and occasionally forgetting to pay attention to it altogether..
• Headline: New York's Math Exam Results Show Stagnation. Impact: The lack of progress in math tests led to a nationwide obsession with mathematics-themed reality shows. By 2025, mathletes were the new rock stars, complete with fan clubs and merchandise.. Fact: Despite the poor scores, New York fourth and eighth graders still have a better grasp of math than many adults trying to split the check at a restaurant..
• Headline: Threats to the New York Stock Exchange. Impact: As the New York Stock Exchange faced competition, it led to the creation of the 'Stock Market Olympics,' where traders compete in speed-buying and selling, complete with medals and sponsorships from energy drink companies.. Fact: If only the New York Stock Exchange could trade on popularity, it would be the most sought-after stock in the world—just ask any social media influencer!.
• Headline: Connecticut to Scrutinize Food Labels. Impact: The scrutiny of food labels in Connecticut prompted a nationwide movement to have 'truth in advertising' laws for fast food, leading to the invention of the 'Calorie Truth Helmet' that diners must wear when ordering.. Fact: If you think Froot Loops are a healthy choice, I have a bridge in Brooklyn to sell you—complete with a side of mayo for your 'nutritional' needs!.
• Headline: Wounded Soldiers Return to Iraq, Seeking Solace. Impact: Wounded soldiers returning to Iraq set a precedent for future generations, leading to the invention of 'military therapy tours'—where veterans can relive their glory days while being cheered on by a reality TV crew.. Fact: Returning to the scene of their trauma might sound like a bad idea, but for some, it’s like a bizarre form of closure therapy—who needs a couch when you have a battlefield?.