OCTOBER 13, 2009

Full News Archive

• Headline: Transforming Retail with Disney's Theme Park Vision. Impact: If Disney's retail plan had actually worked, we might all be living in a world where our grocery stores are staffed by animated characters. Imagine choosing between frozen peas and a talking alien with a very questionable grasp of English. Thanks, Steve Jobs, for not making that a reality.. Fact: Walt Disney once said, 'I don't want the public to see the world they live in while they're in the Park.' So, good luck with that at the mall..
• Headline: Coal Pollution's Hidden Water Crisis. Impact: This is how we end up with fish that glow in the dark - thanks to the coal industry trying to play cleanup. They thought they were fixing one problem and created a new aquatic nightmare. Future generations will be either very confused or very entertained.. Fact: The term 'clean coal' is often used as a euphemism, much like 'diet soda' is for 'not real soda.'.
• Headline: Bright New Campaigns for America's Future. Impact: These rosy campaigns are like putting a fresh coat of paint on a sinking ship, convincing everyone that the Titanic is just a luxury cruise liner. Spoiler: it isn't. This optimism fest might lead to a future where everyone is blissfully unaware of the iceberg ahead.. Fact: General Electric once had an ad campaign that claimed they could make a toaster sing. They ended up creating the ultimate kitchen nightmare instead..
• Headline: Congress Is Split on Effort to Tax Costly Health Plans. Impact: The split in Congress over taxing health plans has led us to a future where healthcare debates feel like a bad reality show. Expect spin-offs like 'Survivor: Health Insurance Edition' where only the wealthiest survive.. Fact: Congress has been arguing about healthcare since before the internet was a thing. They might as well be using carrier pigeons at this point..