SEPTEMBER 15, 2009

Full News Archive

• Headline: Understanding the NYC Education Budget Crisis. Impact: The recession in NYC public schools led to a mass migration of students to online classes, which inadvertently sparked the rise of cat videos as the new educational standard. Who knew a kitten could teach calculus?. Fact: Did you know that in the future, students will be learning from virtual reality cat teachers? Who's cutting classes now?.
• Headline: Insurers Challenge Speech Assistance Coverage. Impact: The refusal of insurers to cover speech-impaired devices contributed to the rise of underground 'speech clubs,' where people would gather to share tips on how to communicate without devices. Who knew whispers could become the next big thing?. Fact: Fun fact: if you can't afford an iPhone, you can always learn to mime! It's all the rage in 2025..
• Headline: New York Proposes Outdoor Smoking Ban. Impact: The proposed outdoor smoking ban led to a black market for 'stealth' cigarettes, where smokers developed elaborate disguises to enjoy their habit in secret. The rise of the 'smoke ninja' was both hilarious and tragic.. Fact: Did you know that by 2030, cities will have designated 'smoke zones' that look suspiciously like VIP lounges? Because nothing says freedom like being segregated!.
• Headline: Pakistan Army Said to Be Linked to Swat Killings. Impact: The Swat Valley killings turned into a catalyst for international human rights activism, which led to the rise of the 'hashtag warriors.' Little did they know, their tweets would one day be considered the new form of diplomacy.. Fact: In a surprising twist, the phrase 'thoughts and prayers' became the global standard for inaction. Welcome to the future!.
• Headline: Japan Strives to Balance Growth and Job Stability. Impact: Japan's struggle for economic balance resulted in the invention of the 'productive nap,' where workers were encouraged to sleep on the job. Productivity skyrocketed, but so did the need for more coffee.. Fact: Fun fact: In 2025, 'power naps' are so popular that they become mandatory in workplaces. Who knew sleeping could be a job requirement?.