AUGUST 30, 2009

Full News Archive

• Headline: Remembering Edward M. Kennedy's Legacy. Impact: The mourning for Kennedy sparked a resurgence of activism in the Democratic Party, leading to the invention of the 'Political Sadness' genre in music, ultimately giving rise to emo-pop and confusing generations of teenagers.. Fact: Did you know that Edward M. Kennedy's nickname was 'Ted'? Because if he had a dollar for every time someone mispronounced his last name, he could have funded his own political campaign!.
• Headline: Japan Opposition's Historic Election Victory. Impact: This landslide victory led to a chain reaction of bold political statements, eventually resulting in the creation of the 'Decaf Coffee Caucus' in Japan, where no one can agree on anything but the need for less caffeine.. Fact: Did you know that the Democratic Party of Japan once tried to redefine Tokyo's relationship with the U.S. by offering free sushi? Because nothing says diplomacy like raw fish!.
• Headline: Cheney Offers Sharp Defense of C.I.A. Interrogation Tactics. Impact: Cheney's defense of interrogation tactics revived debates that led to the establishment of 'Torture Awareness Month', where people reflect on the importance of discussing uncomfortable topics... over overpriced lattes.. Fact: Did you know that Dick Cheney once ordered a sandwich with 'extra interrogation'? It was just a regular sandwich, but he insisted it be 'well done'—and people keep wondering why he was controversial!.
• Headline: For the Pain of Love, a Cerebral Bath of Words, Words, Words. Impact: This revival led to a surge in Shakespearean adaptations, sparking the 'Shakespearean Hip-Hop' movement, which confused audiences and made classic literature more accessible to people who think 'iambic pentameter' is a new workout regime.. Fact: Did you know that if you rearrange the letters in 'John Patrick Shanley', you get 'Klan Hah, Citron Pyk'? Just kidding, you don't, but imagine the conspiracy theories!.