AUGUST 16, 2009

Full News Archive

• Headline: Debate Over Health Care Public Option. Impact: If the public option had been dropped, it could have led to a chain reaction of health care reforms that ultimately resulted in a nationwide rise in people Googling 'how to become a hypochondriac' instead of actually getting care.. Fact: Did you know that the term 'public option' sounds super fun, but it actually refers to the part of healthcare that makes you want to cry at the pharmacy?.
• Headline: Y. E. Yang Makes History at P.G.A.. Impact: Y. E. Yang's victory may have inspired a generation of aspiring golfers in Korea, leading to a golf boom where everyone suddenly takes up the sport, and the driving range becomes the new karaoke bar.. Fact: Did you know that Y. E. Yang's win was so shocking that it made golf fans everywhere reconsider their life choices? 'Maybe I should pick up a club instead of a remote!'.
• Headline: Usain Bolt Breaks 100m World Record. Impact: Bolt's record-breaking run not only electrified the world of athletics but also inspired countless memes, leading to an increase in global sprinting attempts and the inevitable injury rates of couch potatoes everywhere.. Fact: Did you know that Usain Bolt runs so fast that if he were in a race against a cheetah, the animal would need to file a complaint about the unfair competition?.
• Headline: ‘39 Steps’: Unlikely Broadway Survivor. Impact: The survival of '39 Steps' on Broadway might have sparked a new wave of minimalist theatre, causing playwrights to question whether their elaborate sets were really necessary or just a ploy to hide bad writing.. Fact: Did you know '39 Steps' proves that sometimes all you need for a successful Broadway show is a good plot and a complete disregard for set design? Who needs scenery anyway?.