AUGUST 7, 2009

Full News Archive

• Headline: Citigroup's Potential Phibro Deal. Impact: If Citigroup had just given Hall a raise instead of considering a deal, we might have ended up with a world where hedge fund managers are celebrated like rock stars. Oh wait, we already do.. Fact: Andrew J. Hall's salary was so high that it was rumored he could buy his own country. Just imagine the 'Halltopia' where money grows on trees and gold bars are used as paperweights..
• Headline: Job Seekers Face Credit Check Challenges. Impact: Requiring credit checks for jobs may have led to a world where we all have to pay for the privilege of being judged by our past financial mistakes. Next stop: 'Credit Score Survivor' reality TV.. Fact: In a parallel universe, states that passed laws against credit checks have thriving economies where credit scores are as irrelevant as VHS tapes..
• Headline: State Concerns Over Medicaid Cost Burden. Impact: If Congress had just thrown money at health care without strings attached, we might have cured world hunger instead of just ensuring that Medicaid recipients could afford their medications. But hey, at least we're consistent!. Fact: The phrase 'Medicaid obligations' is often used at parties to clear the room faster than saying 'political debate.'.
• Headline: Economists See a Limited Boost From Stimulus. Impact: The economists' limited boost from stimulus could be seen as a cosmic joke where everyone is told they can have their cake, but only if they can fit it in their 'limited' lunchbox.. Fact: Economists are like the weathermen of finance: they can predict the storm, but somehow, we still end up drenched and confused..
• Headline: With High-Profile Death, Focus on High-Risk Drug. Impact: Michael Jackson's tragic death might have sparked a global crackdown on shady drug use, leading to a reality where 'Thriller' is replaced by 'The Cautionary Tale'—a much less catchy title.. Fact: Propofol is often nicknamed 'milk of amnesia' because after using it, you'll forget what happened—just like everyone forgot how to properly handle celebrity health issues..