AUGUST 2, 2009

Full News Archive

• Headline: Health Care Debate Heated Outside Washington. Impact: The health care debate spilling outside Washington led to the creation of countless backyard barbecues where passionate discussions about insurance turned into brawls over who gets the last hot dog. The real winners? Local hospitals, which saw a spike in emergency visits.. Fact: Did you know that if you yell your health care opinions loudly enough, you can actually convince the neighbor's dog to join the debate? True story..
• Headline: Phelps Clinches Fifth Gold in Rome. Impact: Phelps’ gold medals became a beacon of hope for future generations of swimmers, leading to a bizarre trend where kids started wearing swim caps in the shower, convinced it would help them break world records in shampoo application.. Fact: Did you know that Phelps swims so fast, he could probably lap a cheetah? But, of course, that would require the cheetah to agree to the race, which it absolutely would not..
• Headline: Venezuela Still Aids Colombia Rebels, New Material Shows. Impact: Venezuela's assistance to Colombian rebels sparked a diplomatic game of hide-and-seek that involved secret handshakes, mysterious envelopes, and an underground network of coffee lovers who thought they were just meeting for lattes.. Fact: Did you know that Hugo Chávez once claimed to have a pet parrot that could recite revolutionary slogans? Sounds more reliable than the evidence of his government’s actions..
• Headline: Troupe’s Future Suddenly Arrives. Impact: The Merce Cunningham Dance Company’s performance after its founder's death created a ripple effect in the art world where every dance company suddenly felt the pressure to perform more expressively, leading to a trend of interpretative dances that could only be explained with a thesaurus.. Fact: Did you know that after Merce Cunningham passed, every dance was said to have a 'ghost' element? Guess that explains why my last attempt at dancing looked like I was possessed..