JULY 25, 2009

Full News Archive

• Headline: Wii Sports Resort: Summer's Indoor Fun. Impact: Had Nintendo not created Wii Sports Resort, we might have been forced to socialize outdoors, leading to a potential resurgence in human interaction and a decrease in 'couch potato' culture. Imagine the horror!. Fact: Did you know that the original Wii Sports sold over 82 million copies? Who knew pretending to bowl could change social dynamics forever?.
• Headline: Clever Bear Outsmarts Picnic Canister. Impact: This crafty bear's triumph over technology inspired a generation of bears to seek out more complex human food storage solutions. We've inadvertently created a bear elite, plotting to steal picnic baskets with a strategic plan!. Fact: Bears are actually quite intelligent; they have been known to open car doors! Who knew a picnic could turn into a heist?.
• Headline: The Mighty Boosh's U.S. Expansion Efforts. Impact: The Mighty Boosh's attempt to conquer the American comedy scene opened the floodgates for more British humor, paving the way for a tidal wave of tea-sipping, dry-witted shows that would make Americans question their own sense of humor.. Fact: The term 'cult comedy' wasn't even a thing until groups like The Mighty Boosh came along. Thanks for making us redefine our humor standards!.
• Headline: Swimming Bans High-Tech Suits, Ending an Era. Impact: By banning high-tech swimsuits, the swimming world inadvertently sparked a revolution in athletic fashion, leading to the rise of the 'fashionable swimmer'—because who doesn't want to look good while gasping for air?. Fact: The ban on these swimsuits was so significant that it was like saying, 'Sorry, you can’t swim fast; you have to rely on your actual skills now!'.
• Headline: Bush Weighed Using Military in Arrests. Impact: Had Bush followed through with these military arrests, we might have seen a rise in dystopian novels and movies, as citizens took to the streets, fearing their next-door neighbor could be a military operative. Thanks for the plot twist, guys!. Fact: This idea was so controversial that it brought the phrase 'martial law' back into everyday conversation—like it was a long-lost friend nobody wanted to see again..