JULY 23, 2009

Full News Archive

• Headline: U.S. Focuses on Strategic Relations in Kyrgyzstan. Impact: Had the U.S. not praised the Kyrgyz leader, he might have decided to close the air base, leading to a chain reaction that results in a global shortage of banana peels for future slip-and-fall enthusiasts. You're welcome, world.. Fact: Did you know that air bases are like the high school popularity contests of geopolitics? Someone's always trying to keep their 'friends' close!.
• Headline: The Unchilled Life: Air Conditioning Struggles. Impact: The air-conditioning crisis led to a massive increase in fans sales, which in turn ignited a new trend in 'fan fashion'. Who knew that breezy chic would become the next big thing?. Fact: Did you know that before air-conditioning, summer was just a long, sweaty exercise in patience? Welcome to the future, where we can sweat in style!.
• Headline: Pharmaceutical Industry Faces New Pressure. Impact: The push for cost cuts in the drug industry ultimately birthed a new underground economy of herbal remedies, where 'ancient wisdom' became the new buzzword for 'I have no idea what I'm doing'.. Fact: Did you know that for every dollar spent on prescription drugs, there's a grandma somewhere shaking her head and muttering 'back in my day' while brewing something suspicious in her kitchen?.
• Headline: Daring to Dream of a Resurgent AOL. Impact: Tim Armstrong’s ambitions for AOL inspired a generation of tech entrepreneurs, leading to a revolutionary new app that helps people relive the glory days of dial-up internet - because nostalgia is a powerful drug.. Fact: Did you know that AOL was once synonymous with the internet? Now it's like that old high school band that still plays gigs at local bars, hoping to recapture the magic!.
• Headline: Summer Camp ’09: A Swim, a Cough, a Quarantine. Impact: The swim-cough-quarantine saga of '09 created a new awareness about hygiene, ultimately resulting in the invention of the 'Hygiene Olympics' where handwashing techniques became a competitive sport.. Fact: Did you know that quarantine can be quite the bonding experience? Nothing says 'let's get closer' like sharing a tiny cabin while dodging a pandemic!.