JULY 2, 2009

Full News Archive

• Headline: Summer School Cuts Amid Budget Deficits. Impact: By cutting summer school, states inadvertently created a nation of ill-prepared students who, decades later, would lead a viral TikTok dance revolution instead of solving math problems. Who knew that poor educational choices could lead to the rise of influencers?. Fact: In a shocking turn of events, summer school once actually helped students learn. Now it’s more like a myth, like unicorns or affordable housing..
• Headline: Rising Bank Fees and Consumer Impact. Impact: As bank fees rose, consumers became increasingly frustrated, leading to the creation of an underground barter economy where people exchanged homemade cookies for services. Who needs money when you have cookies, right?. Fact: Banks charge fees for nearly everything. Soon, they might charge you just to breathe in their lobby. Stay tuned!.
• Headline: Debt Disqualification from Bar Exam. Impact: Robert Bowman's struggle with student debt set off a chain reaction that would ultimately inspire thousands of young people to take up careers in fields with zero employment prospects, just to avoid making payments. A true 'debt to the future' kind of deal!. Fact: The bar exam is tough, but a $400,000 student debt? That's the real test of one's survival skills in modern society..
• Headline: U.S. Marines Try to Retake Afghan Valley From Taliban. Impact: The U.S. Marines' attempts to retake the Afghan valley led to a long history of military engagements that would eventually inspire a new genre of video games where players could fail spectacularly without real-world consequences. Hooray for virtual freedom!. Fact: The Helmand River Valley has seen more action than a Hollywood blockbuster. Too bad the scriptwriters haven’t figured out how to end the conflict yet..