MAY 4, 2009

Full News Archive

• Headline: Concerns Grow Over U.S. National Debt. Impact: As the U.S. government continues to spiral into debt, a time traveler may argue that this eventually leads to a future where everyone is paid in Monopoly money and the National Debt is just a really long joke. Who knew a few trillion dollars could make everyone so creatively bankrupt?. Fact: Did you know that the U.S. debt is so big, it could probably buy a small planet? But hey, at least Mars is on sale!.
• Headline: Exploring Newspapers' Enduring Value. Impact: The grim state of newspapers led to the rise of a future where people get their news exclusively from TikTok dances. Thanks to this headline, instead of reading about politics, we now have catchy jingles about the debt ceiling!. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'bear market' originally referred to actual bears in the stock market? Just kidding, but that would have made Wall Street way more entertaining..
• Headline: Mini-Links to Web Sites Are Multiplying. Impact: The proliferation of mini-links set off an internet revolution where abbreviations became the primary form of communication, resulting in a future where people communicate entirely in emojis and acronyms. 'LOL' now means 'Let's Overlook Life.'. Fact: Did you know that the first URL was so long it was practically a novel? Good thing we invented mini-links, or we'd all still be typing out web addresses by hand!.
• Headline: An Upstart Gossip Site With a Gentler Tone Is Making a Big Splash. Impact: The emergence of a gentler gossip site led to a world where all celebrity news was reported with the utmost kindness, resulting in a bizarre reality where even tabloid headlines became inspirational quotes. 'Beyoncé ate a salad!' became a motivational poster.. Fact: Did you know that before Wonderwall, the most popular gossip site was called 'Whispering Rumors'? Turns out, nobody likes to whisper anymore!.