APRIL 21, 2009

Full News Archive

• Headline: Nurses' Union Efforts Stumble in Congress. Impact: This setback in organizing nurses led to a nationwide nursing shortage decades later, where hospitals were staffed by robots that couldn't tell a stethoscope from a salad fork. Thanks, Congress!. Fact: Nurses have been fighting for better organization since the dawn of time—well, at least since the invention of the stethoscope. You'd think they'd have better luck!.
• Headline: Bank Profits Spark Investor Skepticism. Impact: The magical appearance of bank profits inspired a generation of aspiring magicians who realized that making money disappear was much more fun than actually earning it. Now we have people on TikTok performing financial sleight of hand.. Fact: When banks say profits appeared 'out of thin air,' they really mean they just used a really good accountant and a sprinkle of creative accounting. Ta-da!.
• Headline: Lawmaker's Controversial Lobbyist Agreement. Impact: This agreement with lobbyists inevitably led to a game of political telephone where miscommunication resulted in Congress attempting to pass a bill to fund an army of trained squirrels for espionage purposes. Spoiler: It didn't go well.. Fact: Lobbying is like that friend who always knows someone who knows someone—only in this case, it's a lawmaker who's in over their head. Welcome to politics!.
• Headline: Nonprofit Groups Seeking Exceptions to Lobby Rule. Impact: The pushback against anti-lobbying policies led to a world where everyone just pretended they weren’t lobbying while secretly passing notes in the halls of Congress. It’s like middle school, but with more money.. Fact: Critics say not all lobbying is bad, which is kind of like saying not all traffic jams are created equal. Some come with snacks, some just come with road rage..