MARCH 25, 2009

Full News Archive

• Headline: Chardonnay Debate in New York State. Impact: This wine debacle led to a series of underground wine tastings and the rise of secret wine clubs, where the only requirement for entry was a valid excuse to leave your house.. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'Chardonnay in Aisle 3' became the unofficial slogan for all New Yorkers who really just wanted to get tipsy while grocery shopping?.
• Headline: U.S. Relations with Nawaz Sharif's Government. Impact: This decision led to a bizarre timeline where Nawaz Sharif became a reality TV star, creating a hit show called 'Keeping Up with the Sharifs,' which inadvertently solved diplomatic issues through drama.. Fact: Did you know that Nawaz Sharif once tried to negotiate peace with a plate of biryani? It worked better than most diplomatic talks!.
• Headline: U.S. Seeks Expanded Power in Seizing Firms. Impact: This power grab caused a chain reaction that resulted in a reality show called 'Seize the Day,' where financial institutions competed in absurd challenges to avoid being seized by the government.. Fact: Fun fact: The phrase 'too big to fail' was originally coined during a game of Monopoly, when someone lost after a particularly aggressive trading session..
• Headline: In a Volatile Time, Obama Strikes a New Tone. Impact: Obama's new tone inadvertently inspired a generation of motivational speakers who all tried to mimic his cadence, leading to a rise in self-help books with titles like 'Yes We Can: A Guide to Not Crying at Work.'. Fact: Did you know that after this news conference, the phrase 'Let me be clear' became the official starter for every awkward office meeting in America?.