MARCH 24, 2009

Full News Archive

• Headline: Candy Consumption During Economic Downturns. Impact: As Tootsie Rolls became the go-to comfort food during economic downturns, candy manufacturers secretly plotted to become the psychological backbone of the nation, ultimately leading to a candy-fueled economy where chocolate bars were accepted as legal tender. Who knew sugar could save the world?. Fact: Did you know that Tootsie Rolls were originally created in 1896 and were named after the daughter of the company's founder? Imagine if they had chosen a less appealing name—like 'Squishy Chews'—the world might not have made it through the Great Depression!.
• Headline: A.I.G. Bonuses of $50 Million Will Be Repaid. Impact: The repayment of A.I.G. bonuses sparked a grassroots movement encouraging corporations to give back their ill-gotten gains, leading to the rise of a new genre of 'corporate accountability' reality shows where CEOs had to return bonuses on live television. Ratings soared, while actual accountability… well, not so much.. Fact: Isn't it ironic? A.I.G. bonuses were so large they could've funded a small country, yet they had to be repaid. It’s like finding out your favorite dessert is made with gluten—surprising and slightly disappointing..
• Headline: Strip-Search of Girl Tests Limit of School Policy. Impact: The Supreme Court's consideration of school policy on strip-searches opened the floodgates for debates on student rights, ultimately leading to a bizarre court case where students argued for the right to wear pajamas to school—because who doesn't want to feel like they're in a permanent sleepover?. Fact: Zero-tolerance policies often lead to zero common sense! Who knew that enforcing drug policies could lead to such extreme measures? Next, we may see a case for banning all forms of fun!.