MARCH 22, 2009

Full News Archive

• Headline: Moore's Emotional Tournament Performance. Impact: If Moore had decided to focus solely on his game and not carry the emotional weight of Madeline Willette, he might have led Siena to a championship, triggering a chain reaction where Siena becomes a college basketball powerhouse, and ultimately, the NCAA changes its name to the 'Siena League'.. Fact: Ronald Moore’s performance was so legendary that it inspired a new breed of athletes who now consult with therapists before every game. Who knew that basketball could be so therapeutic?.
• Headline: Duke's Nail-Biter Victory Over Texas. Impact: Duke's nail-biting victory over Texas led to a series of intense rivalry games, ultimately resulting in the creation of a new sport called 'Duke-letics', where teams compete in both basketball and passive-aggressive tweeting.. Fact: Gerald Henderson’s free throws were so dramatic that they caused a spike in heart rate monitors across America. Apparently, anxiety is contagious..
• Headline: Rethink Afghanistan Film Release Online. Impact: Greenwald's film sparked a new wave of internet activism, leading to the creation of an underground society dedicated to dissecting every war movie ever made, ultimately causing Hollywood to pivot to romantic comedies about cats to avoid backlash.. Fact: The film 'Rethink Afghanistan' is the reason why you now see more documentaries about cats than actual wars. I guess we just love our feline overlords more..
• Headline: ‘First Blood’ Obsession: No Man, No Law, No War Can Stop It. Impact: The obsession with 'Rambo Solo' led to a bizarre trend where people started creating their own Rambo-themed artwork, eventually culminating in a national holiday dedicated to 'Solo Art Appreciation', where everyone wears camouflage.. Fact: 'Rambo Solo' was originally intended to be a peaceful meditation on the human condition, but somehow turned into a testosterone-fueled frenzy. Go figure..
• Headline: Rumble in the Living Room. Impact: The success of 'God of Carnage' inspired a new genre of theater that focuses solely on watching other people's marital disputes, leading to a boom in reality TV shows about couples fighting over coffee mugs.. Fact: Watching 'God of Carnage' is now considered a form of therapy. Who needs couples counseling when you can just watch others implode for entertainment?.