FEBRUARY 10, 2009

Full News Archive

• Headline: Iraq's Elections: Power Struggles Ahead. Impact: The relative calm of the Iraqi elections led to a surprising increase in international coffee demand, as citizens celebrated with cups of joe instead of chaos. Who knew democracy brewed better headlines than bullets?. Fact: Did you know that coffee was once banned in Mecca for making people too alert to plot against the authorities? Maybe they should have stuck with tea!.
• Headline: Revamped Bank Bailout Sparks Debate. Impact: The bailout discussions led to a series of panic-induced memes about banks being 'too big to fail,' which in turn inspired a viral movement for people to adopt pet goldfish. Because, you know, they're small and manageable.. Fact: Did you know that the term 'too big to fail' was originally a description for my cousin's ego? Just saying, it’s a slippery slope!.
• Headline: Geithner's Influence on Financial Bailout. Impact: Geithner's decision not to impose tougher conditions led to the birth of a new genre of music: 'Bailout Blues,' which lamented the struggles of the common man while banks continued to throw lavish parties. Because who needs accountability when you have a saxophone?. Fact: Did you know that when sailors would play the blues, they often did so just to complain about how their ships were sinking? Seems like some things never change!.
• Headline: Losses Mount on Credit Cards for Retailers. Impact: The mounting credit card losses prompted retailers to invest in magical thinking, leading to the invention of the credit card 'wish list'—items you can't afford but dream about. This led to the rise of online wish lists that serve as sad reminders of what could be.. Fact: Did you know that credit cards were once considered a sign of wealth, but now they're just glorified IOUs? Welcome to modern finance!.
• Headline: Months After Plant Closed, Many Still Struggling. Impact: The struggles of the Ohio factory workers became a rallying cry for the 'Struggling Workers' movement, which eventually led to the creation of a new holiday: 'Jobless Appreciation Day'—celebrating the art of filling out applications while wearing pajamas.. Fact: Did you know that the average job search can take about six months? At least that’s enough time to perfect your skills in Netflix binging!.