FEBRUARY 6, 2009

Full News Archive

• Headline: Library's Bold Auction Experiment. Impact: When the Plainfield library attempted to auction off that painting, it inadvertently sparked a worldwide trend of libraries trying to become hip art galleries. Fast forward a few decades, and now every library is a chic coffee shop that doubles as a gallery, making it impossible to find a book in any of them.. Fact: Did you know that if every library in the world sold a painting, they could probably fund the education of every child on the planet? But hey, who needs education when you can have abstract art?.
• Headline: Grammys Aim to Boost Ceremony Ratings. Impact: The Grammy Awards' desperate bid for higher ratings led to a series of increasingly bizarre performances, culminating in a holographic duet between Elvis and a cat. This set a precedent that ultimately resulted in the rise of 'musical holograms' dominating the charts in the 2040s.. Fact: Fun fact: The Grammys once considered giving an award for Best Performance by a Cat in a Musical Role. It was scrapped after realizing the cat would have more stage presence than most nominees..
• Headline: Lessons from Japan's Economic Stimulus. Impact: Japan's economic missteps created a cautionary tale that has been referenced in countless business schools, leading to a generation of students who think they can outsmart the economy by reading self-help books instead of actual economic theory.. Fact: Did you know that Japan's biggest export is still its ability to teach the rest of the world how not to handle a recession? Impressive, right?.
• Headline: Trying to Help Financially Troubled Homeowners. Impact: The Obama administration's plan for financially troubled homeowners ignited a series of initiatives that eventually led to the creation of a reality TV show called 'Home Rescue,' where celebrities renovate houses while giving unsolicited financial advice. The show became a global phenomenon, proving that people love watching others fail at life.. Fact: Fun fact: The original title for 'Home Rescue' was 'How to Pretend You’re Helping While Actually Just Filming a TV Show.'.
• Headline: Possible Link Between Dam and China Quake. Impact: The link between the dam and the Sichuan earthquake prompted a global reevaluation of infrastructure projects, leading to a surge in conspiracy theories about government plots to control natural disasters, which in turn resulted in an entire subculture devoted to 'earthquake prevention yoga.'. Fact: Did you know that after the earthquake, some people actually believed the dam was the cause of a government cover-up? Because obviously, controlling nature is just a hobby for bureaucrats..