JANUARY 11, 2009

Full News Archive

• Headline: Ravens Capitalize on Titans' Errors. Impact: If the Titans had just held onto that ball, perhaps we would have seen a world where footballs were made of marshmallows, leading to a rise in confectionery sports. The sweet scent of victory would have replaced the smell of sweat on the field.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more inconsistent than the Titans' play was my commitment to watching the entire game?.
• Headline: Fiction Reading Increases for Adults. Impact: The increase in adult fiction reading led to a resurgence in poorly written romance novels, inadvertently creating a society where everyone believed love could be found in a single glance across a crowded coffee shop. Spoiler: It usually ends in awkwardness.. Fact: Surprisingly, reading fiction doesn’t actually make you a character in one; it just makes you more aware of how ridiculous your own life choices are..
• Headline: As Gluck’s Mythic Hero, a Mezzo-Soprano Takes Command With Bolts of Melody. Impact: Stephanie Blythe’s commanding performance inspired a wave of karaoke nights where everyone thought they could channel their inner Orfeo, leading to a catastrophic rise in earplugs sales nationwide.. Fact: Did you know that operatic singing can actually shatter glass? I guess that’s one way to clear the room after a bad performance!.