DECEMBER 23, 2008

Full News Archive

• Headline: Challenges for Foreign Automakers in U.S.. Impact: The cutbacks sent ripples through the economy, leading to a nationwide shortage of tiny, fuel-efficient cars, which ironically made American drivers resort to riding bicycles. This sparked a fitness revolution, eventually leading to the rise of a new Olympic sport: competitive unicycle racing.. Fact: Fun fact: The last time foreign automakers cut back, Americans suddenly realized they had forgotten how to drive anything that didn’t come with a warning label about its fuel efficiency..
• Headline: HSBC's Future Under Investor Scrutiny. Impact: HSBC's crisis of confidence led to a world where banks began offering yoga classes to boost morale, inadvertently creating a generation of bankers who are more flexible than their fiscal policies. Investors now meditate on their portfolios instead of analyzing them.. Fact: Did you know that HSBC stands for 'Huge Savings Bank of Confusion'? At least that's how it feels when you try to understand their balance sheets!.
• Headline: As Economy Dips, Arrests for Shoplifting Soar. Impact: The spike in shoplifting arrests led to a bizarre trend where stores started hiring comedians to deter theft. Instead of security guards, you’d find stand-up acts performing in aisles, making shopping an entertaining experience—unless you were the one getting tackled over a pack of gum.. Fact: Did you know that the most stolen item during economic dips is a sense of self-control? Apparently, it's hard to resist when the economy says 'no' but the heart says 'yes' to that new gadget..
• Headline: Betrayed by Madoff, Yeshiva U. Adds a Lesson. Impact: The betrayal led the university to incorporate a mandatory course on 'How Not to Trust Everyone with Your Money,' which ironically inspired a new generation of investment scams—because who doesn't love a good plot twist?. Fact: Did you know that after Madoff, students were required to take an oath not to invest in anything that sounds too good to be true? Spoiler alert: they still do..