DECEMBER 14, 2008

Full News Archive

• Headline: Bradford's Heisman Triumph in 2008. Impact: Bradford's Heisman win led to a nationwide obsession with college football that eventually spiraled into the creation of reality shows featuring players' everyday lives, proving once and for all that America prefers watching athletes over politicians.. Fact: Did you know that winning the Heisman is basically a golden ticket to a life of endorsements, even if your NFL career fizzles out faster than a soda left open in the sun?.
• Headline: Jets Score Late Win Against Bills. Impact: The Jets' last-minute victory caused a chain reaction that ultimately led to the creation of 'Last-Minute Sports Drama' as a television genre, which has been responsible for countless couch-throwing incidents across the nation.. Fact: Did you know that Shaun Ellis’s fumble recovery is still being talked about in living rooms, while the Bills are still trying to figure out how to recover from last-minute loss? Spoiler: they haven't..
• Headline: Crashes and Lessons of Financial Hysteria. Impact: The financial hysteria sparked by this era of panic caused individuals to hoard toilet paper during the next big crisis, which in turn led to the invention of the toilet paper roll as a symbol of modern-day survival.. Fact: Did you know that 'Panic' is actually a documentary about how humans panic, which is ironic because it proves that financial wisdom is like a diet plan—everyone talks about it, but no one really follows it?.
• Headline: Nary a Carol in Earshot, and a Santa in Heels. Impact: The Z100 Jingle Ball incident signified the turning point where holiday music became a battleground for teenage popularity contests, forever altering the landscape of how we celebrate Christmas and making it mandatory for Santa to wear more than just a red suit.. Fact: Did you know that if you’re over 14 and at a Jingle Ball, your main job is to either take photos for Instagram or to endure the awkwardness of being the only adult in the room? Fun times!.