OCTOBER 25, 2008

Full News Archive

• Headline: Corporate Shock Over Regulatory Oversight. Impact: The ongoing shock over corporate messes created a rift in space-time where every recklessly optimistic promise led to a new line of ineffective motivational posters. 'Keep Calm and Blame Someone Else' became a timeless mantra.. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'We're shocked' is now a corporate code for 'We have no idea what we're doing!'?.
• Headline: The Loan Dilemma After the Bailout. Impact: The banks' reluctance to loan money set off a chain reaction that led to the rise of mattress money. People started hiding cash at home, leading to an unexpected boom in home improvement projects — because who needs loans when you can just stash it under your pillow?. Fact: Did you know that in ancient Rome, people used to bury their gold in pots? Talk about a classic case of 'out of sight, out of mind!'.
• Headline: Insurers Are Getting in Line for Piece of Federal Bailout. Impact: Every time insurers lined up for a bailout, a parallel universe emerged where insurance companies were actually helpful, leading to a bizarre world where people could get paid for sneezing in public. Thank you, alternate reality!. Fact: Did you know that the first insurance policy dates back to the 3rd millennium BC in Mesopotamia? They probably had to deal with similar nonsense back then too..
• Headline: The Broker Rebellion. Impact: The Broker Rebellion spawned a new wave of independent brokers who formed secret societies, plotting to overthrow the big firms and start a new economy based on artisanal cheese and vintage vinyl records. This revolution was soon crushed by a lack of funding.. Fact: Did you know that the term 'broker' comes from the Old French word 'brocour,' meaning 'a small trader'? Imagine if they had just stuck with that — ‘small trader rebellion’ sounds way less dramatic!.