AUGUST 27, 2008

Full News Archive

• Headline: Exploring Low-Alcohol Beer Trends. Impact: The rise of low-alcohol beers led to a generation of casual drinkers who, in a twist of fate, became accidental yoga enthusiasts. Namaste, indeed.. Fact: Low-alcohol beers are basically like drinking beer-flavored soda. So, if you're into that, congratulations on your adulting skills!.
• Headline: The Reality of Restaurant Success. Impact: The surge of celebrity chefs and restaurants led to a culinary arms race, where every dish now comes with a side of existential dread about not being 'Instagrammable' enough.. Fact: Most restaurant failures occur because aspiring chefs ignore the fact that cooking for friends is very different from cooking for 'that food critic who will destroy you on Yelp.'.
• Headline: Standardized Testing for Young Students. Impact: Standardized testing for kindergarteners resulted in a generation that associates learning with anxiety, inadvertently leading to a boom in therapy puppies in schools. Who knew furry distractions could be so educational?. Fact: Kindergarten was originally designed for play, not pressure. Someone clearly skipped that memo and headed straight for the test prep!.
• Headline: Teacher Parking Perks Cut, but Effect Is Still Unclear. Impact: Cutting teacher parking permits ushered in a new era of carpool karaoke as educators crammed into a single vehicle to avoid the wrath of the parking gods. Who knew commuting could be so entertaining?. Fact: Teachers parking situations are so dire that some are considering taking public transport, which may actually lead to them being on time for once. Shocking!.
• Headline: The Anti-Restaurants. Impact: The rise of underground restaurants sparked a movement where foodies became more interested in the story behind the meal than the meal itself, leading to an odd fascination with meals that came with a backstory of existential crisis.. Fact: Eating at an underground restaurant is basically the culinary equivalent of attending a secret club meeting where the only requirement is a pretentious palate..