AUGUST 23, 2008

Full News Archive

• Headline: Debate on New Jersey School Superintendent Pay. Impact: The uproar over school superintendent salaries led to a nationwide trend of school districts hiring 'Superintendent Consultants'—people who charge exorbitantly to tell other people how to manage money poorly. Who knew that education would turn into a game of financial charades?. Fact: Did you know that New Jersey has more millionaires per capita than any other state? Maybe if those millionaires paid their fair share, we wouldn't have to micromanage school pay!.
• Headline: Farmers Thrive with New County Laws. Impact: As farmers gained more rights, they inadvertently sparked the organic farming movement, leading to the hipster explosion. Now, every café has 'locally sourced' avocados, and we’re all paying $10 for toast. Thanks, Westchester!. Fact: Fun fact: The average age of farmers in the U.S. is 57. So, while they 'savor' their place in the field, let’s hope they’re also savoring their retirement plans!.
• Headline: Biking for Cancer Research. Impact: By biking across the country and raising funds for cancer research, Justin and Jamie Merolla inadvertently inspired a wave of 'extreme fundraising' where people now run marathons in inflatable dinosaur costumes. Thank you for the bar being set so high!. Fact: Did you know that the average American spends about 6 months of their life waiting for red lights? I can’t help but think biking 4,285 miles might be a better use of time!.
• Headline: In the Saddle, Police Seek a Bit More Trust. Impact: Ricky and Hulk, the horse duo, became the face of community policing, leading to an unexpected rise in 'neigh-sayers' who demand more equine officers. Soon, every police department will have a horse named after a snack food. Watch out, Captain Cheetos!. Fact: Did you know that horses can sleep standing up? It’s probably how they cope with the utter chaos of human society—just like us!.
• Headline: A Mission Goes Off Course. Impact: The constant blame on 'the mission' for Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac's failures led to the creation of a new genre of conspiracy theories involving mortgage finance. Now, every time someone talks about housing, you can bet a shadowy organization is involved!. Fact: Fun fact: In 2021, the average home price in the U.S. reached an all-time high. So, good luck blaming the mission when your mortgage is through the roof!.