JUNE 25, 2008

Full News Archive

• Headline: Engineers Leave Pentagon for Civilian Jobs. Impact: As engineers flee to civilian jobs, the Pentagon is forced to hire psychic consultants to predict project outcomes. This leads to the invention of the Mind Reader 3000, which mysteriously becomes the world's top-selling adult toy by 2035.. Fact: Did you know that the Pentagon once tried to recruit a cat as a military strategist? Turns out, cats prefer naps over national defense..
• Headline: Medicare Costs and Congressional Influence. Impact: This headline leads to a Congressional hearing where lawmakers debate the merits of 'expensive walkers' versus 'cheap walkers,' ultimately resulting in the invention of the 'hovering walker' that nobody can afford.. Fact: Fun fact: Medicare was originally designed to pay for hospital stays, but somehow it morphed into the world's most expensive game of 'who can charge the most for a Band-Aid.'.
• Headline: Hidden Sex Scenes Draw Ho-Hum, Except From Lawyers. Impact: The lawsuit against Grand Theft Auto leads to the creation of a new genre of video games called 'Hidden Adult Content Adventures,' which become so popular that all video games eventually contain 'unlockable' content, including Grandma's secret cookie recipe.. Fact: Did you know that the original concept of video games involved no hidden content? It was just a bunch of pixels chasing each other around. How boring!.