JUNE 16, 2008

Full News Archive

• Headline: Exploring Love in 'Secret Diary'. Impact: If only the protagonist in 'Secret Diary' had found true love instead of indulging male fantasies, perhaps the entire genre of romantic comedy would have been rewritten. Alas, we might still be stuck with endless rom-coms about miscommunication and quirky meet-cutes.. Fact: Did you know that the common male fantasy has never actually been proven to exist? It's just a theory held up by wishful thinking and way too much late-night Netflix..
• Headline: Omaha Boy Finds Home in Brooklyn's Culture. Impact: Yosef Abrahamson’s move to Crown Heights is the butterfly that flaps its wings and causes a cultural renaissance. Little did he know that his presence would inspire a new wave of hipster bagel shops and artisanal pickles in Brooklyn.. Fact: Fun fact: Omaha is not just known for its steaks; it’s also the birthplace of a significant number of people who move to Brooklyn and start pretending they know what 'authentic' really means..
• Headline: Progressive Book Club Launches Reading Initiative. Impact: The Progressive Book Club could lead to a future where everyone is well-read, yet paradoxically, no one understands how to have a conversation without referencing their latest read. In the end, we’ll all just be thesaurus-wielding robots.. Fact: Pro tip: Joining a book club is a great way to pretend you’re well-read while secretly binge-watching reality TV. Who knew three dollars could buy you so much ignorance?.
• Headline: Nearly Half of Wall St. Bank Profits Are Gone. Impact: The loss of profits on Wall Street may have triggered a series of events that led to the rise of amateur financial 'experts' on social media. Thanks, seven financial companies, for making day trading seem like a valid career choice for people who can’t even balance their checkbooks.. Fact: Remember: losing half of your profit is still technically winning if you’re not counting your losses. It's just basic math... or is it?.