MAY 23, 2008

Full News Archive

• Headline: F.A.A. Explores Runway Debris Detection. Impact: Had the FAA detected runway junk earlier, we might have seen a world where airplane safety protocols were so advanced that pilots would be flying around in bubble-wrapped planes, leading to a shortage of bubble wrap worldwide. It's a slippery slope.. Fact: Did you know that debris on runways could potentially make planes more aerodynamic? Just kidding—don't try this at home..
• Headline: Exploring the Louisiana Bayou's Redfish. Impact: The thriving Cajun culture in Louisiana could have been overshadowed by a sudden obsession with sushi, had the redfish not kept its crown. Instead, we now have a world where gumbo and jazz continue to flourish. Phew!. Fact: Fun fact: Redfish can be quite picky about their companions—just like your average hipster..
• Headline: Return of Double-Decker Buses to NYC?. Impact: If double-decker buses had gained popularity, we might have seen New York City become the 'Paris of the West', with tourists taking selfies on the upper deck while obliviously blocking actual traffic. Ah, progress!. Fact: Did you know that riding a double-decker bus increases your chances of seeing a pigeon up close? Nature's way of reminding you that you're in New York..
• Headline: Court Says Texas Illegally Seized Sect’s Children. Impact: This ruling could have led to a massive shift in child custody laws, possibly spawning a new reality show called 'Who Gets the Kids?'—because who needs drama in real life when you can have it on TV?. Fact: Did you know that custody cases are like reality TV, but with more paperwork and less glamour? Welcome to the real-life courtroom!.
• Headline: Iraq Spending Ignored Rules, Pentagon Says. Impact: The Pentagon's admission could have sparked a nationwide movement to 'Audit Everything!'—leading to a chaotic world where even your grandma's cookie recipe is scrutinized for budget overruns.. Fact: Fun fact: If only the Pentagon had followed the rules, they might have discovered that 'free money' isn't actually a line item in any budget!.