APRIL 24, 2008

Full News Archive

• Headline: Spoleto Festivals Unite After 15 Years. Impact: The Spoleto Festivals rekindling their relationship led to the rise of many questionable artistic collaborations, including a one-man show by a mime who only communicated through spaghetti. This, in turn, sparked a global trend in pasta-themed performance art, forever altering the culinary landscape.. Fact: Spoleto, Umbria is so charming that even the pasta gets a chance to perform in front of an audience. It’s like the Academy Awards for noodles!.
• Headline: Evaluating N.F.L. Draft Picks: Three-Year Rule. Impact: The debate over draft picks led to a secret society of NFL scouts who now spend their weekends in an underground bunker analyzing the perfect sandwich to eat during games, unwittingly creating the next culinary craze that would dominate tailgating for decades.. Fact: Turns out, the only thing more uncertain than a draft pick is the sandwich selection at an NFL concession stand. Good luck with that!.
• Headline: Obama's Challenge for Democratic Support. Impact: Obama's struggles to win over key blocs inadvertently led to the invention of the 'political smoothie,' a concoction designed to blend various demographics into one palatable drink that somehow still tastes like disappointment.. Fact: Politics is just like a smoothie: if you don’t blend the ingredients well enough, you end up with a chunky mess no one wants to drink!.
• Headline: How to Live Longer Without Really Trying. Impact: The tips on living longer without effort inspired a global movement of couch potatoes who now believe they are on a quest for immortality, leading to the invention of the 'Lazy Olympics' where the gold medal is awarded for the best nap.. Fact: Living longer without really trying is basically the motto of every cat on the internet. They’ve been leading the way for years!.
• Headline: Bullies, Addicts and Losers: A Poet Loves Them All. Impact: Kleinzahler’s poetic love for society's outcasts led to a series of bestselling self-help books for bullies, addicts, and losers, which ultimately created an entire genre of motivational speeches delivered by unqualified individuals dressed as superheroes.. Fact: Poets tend to have a soft spot for life's losers because they realize that, much like their bank accounts, everyone has their ups and downs!.