MARCH 21, 2008

Full News Archive

• Headline: Economic Slump Spreads Nationwide. Impact: When the slump moved from Wall Street to Main Street, it was like a bad game of musical chairs where everyone ended up standing. This economic domino effect inspired a generation of conspiracy theorists who now believe that the economy is just a giant game of Jenga that could topple at any moment.. Fact: Fun fact: 'Main Street' is just Wall Street's less glamorous cousin that never quite made it in the big leagues..
• Headline: New York's Taxpayer Burden After Bear Stearns. Impact: The tax cuts and unfulfilled promises led to a collective New York taxpayer awakening. They formed a support group called 'Bag Holders Anonymous' to cope with the emotional trauma of being left with a burdensome debt. The group's motto? 'We didn't choose this bag; it chose us.'. Fact: Did you know that politicians often view 'tax cuts' as a magic trick? Now you see your money, now you don't!.
• Headline: Duke Escapes, but Is Exposed by Belmont. Impact: Duke's near-loss to Belmont created a ripple effect in the sports world, inspiring countless underdogs to believe they could actually win—until they remembered that life isn't a sports movie and went back to their day jobs. Thanks to this game, we now have more dramatic sports documentaries than anyone can handle.. Fact: Here's a fun tidbit: Every time an underdog almost wins, a sports commentator gets their wings. Just kidding, but it sure feels that way!.
• Headline: Rescue Plans That Alarm Shareholders. Impact: When rescue plans alarmed shareholders, it sparked a new trend in corporate jargon: 'desperate measures' became the buzzword for any half-baked idea to save a failing business. It was like a corporate version of 'let's just wing it.'. Fact: Did you know that 'desperate measures' is corporate speak for 'we're throwing spaghetti at the wall and hoping it sticks?'.