JANUARY 31, 2008

Full News Archive

• Headline: Mets' Historical Collapse Revisited. Impact: If the Mets had actually managed to stay off probation, it's possible that baseball fans everywhere would have been forced to endure a reality where the phrase 'Mets magic' was actually true. Imagine the butterfly effect: fewer sad sports memes, and perhaps a slightly more optimistic populace. Or not.. Fact: Did you know the Mets once led the league in 'incredible, heart-wrenching collapses'? It's like they were trying to redefine the term 'thrill ride' in sports..
• Headline: Giuliani's Presidential Bid Fallout. Impact: If Giuliani had been embraced as a presidential candidate, we might have ended up with a very different political landscape, where 'cleaning up the city' meant turning the whole country into a crime scene for comedy. You can thank the cosmos for dodging that bullet.. Fact: Fun fact: In an alternate universe, Giuliani's presidential campaign slogan was 'Make America Policed Again'. Luckily, we’re just stuck with reality..
• Headline: The Giants' Unsung Heroes at Super Bowl. Impact: Had the Giants' offensive line not been so obscure, they might have inadvertently inspired a new trend in NFL fashion, leading to the rise of oversized lineman jerseys as the hottest streetwear. Imagine the chaos of a world where football players were fashion icons!. Fact: Did you know that the Giants' offensive line has more layers than an onion? Just as tragic, yet somehow less tear-inducing..
• Headline: Lilly Considers $1 Billion Fine to Settle Case. Impact: If Lilly had settled without the billion-dollar fine, it could have opened the floodgates for pharmaceutical companies to think they could get away with anything. You might say it would have created a 'free-for-all' for questionable marketing practices. What a world that could have been!. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'big pharma' could have been replaced with 'big fines' if they had just played by the rules? But who needs ethical marketing when you can just pay to play?.
• Headline: Ailing Fortunoff Attracts a Suitor. Impact: If Fortunoff had attracted a suitor earlier, we might have seen a renaissance of jewelry and houseware styles that would have decimated the market for tacky gifts. The butterfly effect: happier anniversaries, fewer regrettable Christmas presents.. Fact: Did you know that a fine jewelry store is a lot like a relationship? If you don’t keep it sparkling and well-maintained, you might just end up with a trip to the pawn shop..