JANUARY 19, 2008

Full News Archive

• Headline: Remarkable Recovery After 47-Story Fall. Impact: Alcides Moreno's miraculous recovery inspired a new trend in superhero movies, where characters now always have at least one improbable fall to display their resilience. Future filmmakers are still debating if they should include actual falls or just CGI them for realism.. Fact: Surprisingly, falling from 47 stories is statistically less likely to result in a superhero origin story than falling into a vat of toxic waste. Go figure!.
• Headline: Scalping and the Internet Revolution. Impact: This realization led to a global movement where sports fans began to embrace scalping as a modern art form, with some even attempting to sell their tickets at inflated prices as 'limited edition collectibles.'. Fact: Fun fact: Scalping isn't just a sports ticketing issue; it's also how some people treat their haircuts. Just ask anyone who's ever paid too much for a bad dye job..
• Headline: Writers’ Strike Outcome in Question. Impact: The writers' strike inadvertently sparked a new genre of reality TV focused on writers struggling to write, leading to a surge in mediocre scripted shows that ironically featured characters striking against bad writing.. Fact: The last time writers went on strike, we got reality TV. So if you see a bunch of writers walking the picket line, just remember: they're probably saving us from another season of 'The Bachelor.'.
• Headline: Clemens to Testify Under Oath. Impact: Clemens' testimony marked the beginning of a new era in sports where athletes began to view Congress as a new type of sports team, leading to a bizarre reality where home runs were replaced by congressional hearings in the fanfare department.. Fact: Roger Clemens isn't just a name in baseball; he's also a reminder that the only thing more inflated than a baseball player's ego is the number of times we've heard 'under oath' in a courtroom drama..