DECEMBER 12, 2007

Full News Archive

• Headline: Navigating Charity Donations for Food Security. Impact: The rise of food charities sparked an intense competition for donations, leading to a bizarre future where charities start offering loyalty programs and branded merchandise. Get your charity swag now!. Fact: Did you know that giving to charity can also be a tax write-off? It’s like getting a feel-good experience while simultaneously avoiding the IRS!.
• Headline: Exxon’s Proposed Atlantic Gas Terminal. Impact: Exxon's terminal plans set off a chain reaction of protests that eventually led to an annual 'National Hug a Tree Day,' where people awkwardly embrace trees while contemplating their next fossil fuel purchase.. Fact: Fun fact: Natural gas is often touted as a 'cleaner' alternative, but it still comes with its own set of environmental issues. Welcome to the future, where everything is a trade-off!.
• Headline: Putin's Potential Return to Power. Impact: Should Putin become Premier, a ripple of political intrigue would ensue, leading to an alternate timeline where Russia adopts a national sport of 'Who Can Wear the Most Medals?'. Fact: Did you know that in some alternate timelines, Putin is a competitive ice dancer? Just imagine those sequined outfits!.
• Headline: Trial of Cholesterol Drug Gets House Scrutiny. Impact: The scrutiny of the cholesterol drug trial leads to a future where every medication comes with a side effect warning that lists all known side effects—longer than the actual benefits. Talk about fun reading!. Fact: You might want to check your cholesterol levels after hearing this: in some cases, the side effects of medications can be more dangerous than the condition they treat. Good luck!.
• Headline: Twin Bombs Kill Dozens in Algiers. Impact: These tragic bombings sparked a worldwide movement to 'bomb-proof' government buildings, leading to the invention of inflatable office spaces that never quite took off, but they did provide a soft landing.. Fact: Did you know that the United Nations has a 'Building Safety Day'? They probably should have considered a 'Building Safety Every Day' policy instead!.