DECEMBER 7, 2007

Full News Archive

• Headline: Automakers Embrace New Fuel Economy Standards. Impact: This decision to cheer for fuel standards led to a minor revolution in America where cars started to actually run on hope and dreams instead of just fossil fuels. The result? A lot of disappointed drivers when they realized dreams don’t fuel vehicles.. Fact: Did you know that in the future, people will actually look back at this decision as the moment when cars began to complain about their mileage, much like their drivers?.
• Headline: In-Flight Internet Testing Begins Soon. Impact: Introducing internet on flights turned into a global phenomenon where everyone suddenly had the power to ignore their seatmates more effectively. The ensuing silence led to airlines offering 'No Wi-Fi' flights as a luxury experience.. Fact: Did you know that the first in-flight Wi-Fi was actually just a glorified carrier pigeon service? It was surprisingly effective, until the pigeons unionized..
• Headline: With Miles Staying Put, Michigan Talks to Schiano. Impact: This coaching drama sparked a nationwide trend: every time a coach is interviewed, fans begin to speculate wildly about the color of their socks and their favorite breakfast cereal. It's a weird form of engagement, but hey, it keeps people entertained.. Fact: Did you know that coaching interviews have become the new reality TV? Expect 'The Real Coaches of College Football' to air next season!.
• Headline: Doll’s Village: Some See Restoration as Too Cutesy. Impact: The restoration of this village inadvertently led to a massive spike in the 'cute' economy, causing a flood of hipster cafes and artisanal jelly shops to pop up overnight. Now, one can find themselves drowning in cuteness, quite literally.. Fact: Did you know that the word 'cute' was once banned in some parts of the village due to excessive eye-rolls? It’s now used as a warning sign for potential sugar overdose!.