NOVEMBER 20, 2007

Full News Archive

• Headline: Celebrating A-Rod's Business Triumphs. Impact: Thanks to A-Rod's performance, a future generation of athletes will think that business deals are just as important as home runs, leading to a bizarre world where CEOs start playing baseball instead of running companies.. Fact: Did you know that Alex Rodriguez once claimed he could hit a home run while simultaneously signing a multi-million dollar contract? He never proved it, but the legend lives on!.
• Headline: U.S. Companies Increase Overseas Sales Efforts. Impact: This 'go global' strategy led to a future where Americans are buying more products from overseas, inadvertently contributing to the rise of internet shopping addiction and the decline of brick-and-mortar stores. Thanks, capitalism!. Fact: Fun fact: The term 'global economy' was invented so that companies could blame overseas markets for their own incompetence at home. You're welcome!.
• Headline: New Worries About Credit Drive Down Stock Markets. Impact: The panic over credit ratings triggered a chain reaction where investors began to sell stocks at the first sign of trouble, eventually leading to the invention of 'panic selling' as a competitive sport.. Fact: Did you know that the Dow Jones Industrial Average is just a fancy way of measuring how much people are freaking out about their money? It's like a stock market soap opera!.
• Headline: Amway Adds Entertainment to Product Line. Impact: By diversifying into entertainment, Amway inadvertently paved the way for future multi-level marketing schemes to sell everything from essential oils to dubious streaming services, all while claiming to be 'the next big thing.'. Fact: Amway's new online store, Fanista, is like a buffet where you can get vitamins, soap, and DVDs—all while being pitched to join the 'business opportunity.' It's the ultimate 'two-for-one' deal... if you're into disappointment!.